waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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