WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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