Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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