Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
