Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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