ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
