so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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