Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
