your room smells of hookers.
And success
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As shirtless as possible
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
