And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
