we have pet lesbian snakes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
