Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
