Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize