Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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