I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
