im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
