Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Can I color on your dick again?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
