May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
