it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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