tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
