I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
