I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
