the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize