we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
