I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
