Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
