is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
