Screwed.edu
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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