I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
