ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
