new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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