I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Come see our sink grown plant.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
