I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Are we still banned from the library?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
