In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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