Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
