Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Come see our sink grown plant.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
