I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
