So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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