why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This baby is an asshole
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
