She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
