she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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