we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
