where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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