shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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