I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
