I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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