I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
