I feel like I'm in dance class right now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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