Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
