You work out of a Hotel?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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