you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
