just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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